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TV Rich Kids

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Things Fictional Rich Kids on TV Taught Me

There has been a slew of fictional rich kids on TV shows. They suffer the turmoil of love triangles and live the life of debauchery that we can only dream of.

Thanks to The OC and reality spin-off Laguna Beach, its spin-off The Hills and its spin-off In The City, we get all the real rich kid drama too. Made In Chelsea anyone?

Let’s face it, we’ve all envied those wardrobes, baffling unbreakable friendships, lavish holidays and perfect figures (regardless of diet). This week sees The OC 10th anniversary. Yes, ten years!! So let’s take a look at our favourite life lessons from all those fictional rich kids. You may need to be a TV buff rich kid to follow these rules but it’s worth it. Right?

–       Regular kids may not have known it but expensive sheets have a high thread count. Now we do, courtesy of The OC. More importantly, Gilmore Girls taught us they can be over-ironed. Take note, we wouldn’t want to be embarrassed when we’re cleaners at the club.

–       LSD is not just a drug. It’s also a Little Silver Dress, a must-have in any teenage, fashionista’s wardrobe. Thanks, Naomi Clark of 90210. This is one of the must-know posh totty slang terms you need to attend a very good school to learn.

Read The Middle Classes Have Seized Control of Our Slang for more.

–       Now you have the tools and language, it’s time for the important stuff. Never have a Masquerade Ball, unless you crave chaos and drama which, of course, any rich kid does. If you’re a New Yorker, like in Gossip Girl, mistaken identity will lead to an inappropriate stolen kiss. If you’re a fan of the macabre and Pretty Little Liars, someone is getting kidnapped, attacked and murdered. But that’s half the fun, right?

–       Never worry about throwing a party: people will show up. One text is all it takes to accidentally have a ‘Rager’. The key is to pretend that you didn’t want a big party, even if you text-invited an unreliable random, a la Marissa Cooper from The OC. It can happen to anyone, with a spare mansion or town house.

–       It’s important to remember, however, that you can’t enjoy the party too much. If you like the lifestyle and revel in it, you’ll end up T-total within a few months, maximum. Just look at poor Audrey Liddell from Dawson’s Creek. We all know Busy Philips would be awesome at a party. It’s just sad that she had to go off the sauce. Unfortunately, refusing to quit or quitting too late doesn’t work either, you’ll be made an example of and unceremoniously leave the show your friends or get hurt. Chuck Bass in Gossip Girl, Marissa Cooper in The OC, Logan Huntzberger in Gilmore Girls, Lily Kane in Veronica Mars and so on. Gawd. Beware! But you’ll be in good company.

–       Every teenager has read Sun Tzu and most people from TV Land (cough, writers) actually have. Crack open that masterpiece now, if you want to know how to wage war, prevent it or defeat any enemy. Just look at a young Lex Luther in Smallville. That man knows how to get down.

–       Don’t worry about this year’s love triangle too much and if you’re not worrying already well… Someone is cheating on you. Sorry. The point is, you’ll never lose those friends, you will get through it. There’ll also be a new triangle next year and then you’ll get to be the cheater. Everyone wins. Just keep reading that Sun Tzu and you can get your overly elaborate own-back, in a very public way.

–       You can get away with a lot in this world but using the front door is not always one of them. Solution? Use a window. You may come in at an inappropriate moment but eventually that person will love you. Dawson’s Creek anyone? Vanessa Abrams in Gossip Girl? It’s so lo-fi and cheap, it works every time. Seduce with trespassing. Trust it.

–       Another great seduction technique is a romantic rooftop. Ultimately people will risk molestation, reveal truths, break hearts and contemplate suicide but that’s romance. Just ask Chuck Bass (Gossip Girl).

–       Finally, always remember: you don’t need to try to be successful. You’ve already met the one, it’s just deciding which ‘one’ you want. Usually the first one is a safe bet. Pop that true love lark can go on the back burner. What do you want to do? Internships? There’s an abundance. You’re rich, you’re hot, you know people and they want you, usually want you want you. No sweat (rich people don’t sweat unless they need to show off their abs in slow mo FYI). How about design a clothing line? Just look at ‘Clothes Before Bros’ from Brooke Davis in One Tree Hill. Most people can sew beautiful garments by 17, duh doi. Look at Jenny Humphrey from Gossip Girl, she was 15, eat your heart out Brooke. Not your bag… so to speak? Do you do art for fun? Get your graphic novel published within the year in The OC. A friend will always try and steal your limelight whatever you choose but it will all work out… As long as you stay with the ‘you’ve met your soulmate’ party line. And if not, disappear in the knowledge that your friends learnt a valuable lesson from your mistakes.

Now let’s all go party on a rooftop, read Chinese philosophy and give our best friend’s boyfriend the eye before we make our own millions and marry… Whichever friend goes through the most trials and actually turns out to be a decent human being… Sort of!

Read Review : Girls First Season.

(Main image from Fanpop)

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